let go of the wheel

sometimes we try to hold on too tight to the wheel of life, doing our best to control everything that happens, every single street we turn to, and that’s cool, it’s important to know where we are going, and to not lead an aimless existence. But sometimes it’s also good to let go of the wheel, to sit in the backseat and let life takes its own turns. Most of the things that happen in our life are completely at of our control (our name, the family we were born into, our country of birth, our sex, etc.) and it’s important to live at peace with those things, to just let them go or live with them as they are. Living at war with ourselves and life only causes pain, a pain that goes deep down into our souls and that only goes away when we learn to surrender, not giving up but surrender. Surrender as to accept that life is now, and that the now is the only thing that truly exists, so we might as well stay at peace with it and work towards a better future without resentment for what is.

Life happens for us, not to us, once we understand this and have faith that the universe is guiding us in the right path, we start lo live at peace. The universe chooses for us, and it speaks directly into our souls to let us know what our mission is, which one is the right step to take, we just need to listen closely to what it has to say and don’t let the voices around us dictate our lives.

As human beings, we are all living life through different lenses, having a unique experience, and only by searching deep down and listening closely to our hearts we lead a happy life. Start listening to what the universe is telling you, let it lead your life, guide you through the lessons you need to learn in order to become the best version of yourself, and true happiness will fill your heart.

1-800-273-8255

When I think about the times I thought about jumping in front of the R train, or that if I had a gun all of my problems would go away with just the pulling of a trigger, it doesn’t make me cringe anymore, but it does help me understand how fragile the human mind can be in times of despair.

I used to be very judgmental about people who committed suicide, always saying things like “suicide is never an option” or “people should be stronger than that”, all those things are very easy to say until you’re in that place, until you can’t walk too close to the edge of the train tracks because when you do it feels like there is a hand on your back trying to push you forward and you’re so scared you might actually do it you start walking to places no matter how far they may be, or just taking Ubers everywhere because that’s the only way you can feel safe from your own self. And you can’t tell anyone but your therapist because you don’t want your family to worry about you, or you don’t want your friends to think you are crazy even though you actually feel like you are losing your mind.

It’s a really dark place to be in.

The reason why I’m saying all this is because if there is someone out there who might be going through the same thing I want you to know that you are not alone, don’t hold on to those feelings until they become more poisonous to yourself, speak up, tell the people that loves you how you feel, don’t feel like you are going to be judged or misunderstood because, believe it or not, there are more people out there going through the same thing, and they are also looking for a shoulder to lean on. Seek help, I beg you please do, don’t stand alone in the middle of the storm. Going to therapy doesn’t make you crazy or weak, it takes a lot of strength and self-awareness to accept the fact that you are not OK, and there is nothing wrong with not being ok.

I stand here today as a living proof that it’s possible to get out of that place, that it’s possible to get to the other side, and though sometimes I feel myself falling back into that hole now I know that I can get out of there, I know that I’m not alone, and that there is people around me that will help me get back up no matter how many times I fall.

Thank you for reading this, I appreciate you, I love you, and if I can promise you something it’s that tomorrow will be a better day.

You are strong.